Another Bozos Joke Come True: "Rock 'em, Sock 'em, Tell 'em lies! Here's where Robot's Rules of Order don't apply! At Hideo Knutt's Boltadrome!"

(UPDATE 05/11/04: Alas, they seem to have gone out of business. Links go to archives created by the mighty Wayback Machine)

Big Ruxpin is Watching You: Once again, The Firesign Theatre's I Think We're All Bozos on this Bus proves itself to be the science-fiction story where the most stuff came true. If you recall, a hacker named Clem traveled through the Future Fair, followed by computer generated Holy-Grams who popped up and said things like, "Why not try [WALL OF SCIENCE], 'cause it's my favorite!"

Leave it to Disney to perfect that spooky technology with Pal Mickey, an interactive talking plush doll that knows where it is inside Walt Disney World, and tells you trivia as you move through the park. Ah ha, but even better (at least from Disney's standpoint) is that, just like the Holy-Grams, Pal Mickey feeds the info back into the central computer system, so Doctor Memory can track people's movements through the park in realtime.

(Of course, these data will be skewed because they only track people who buy the dolls, but market research consultants simply ignore bad sample, as long as they like the study results. Data gathered in phone surveys, for example, can't take into consideration the opinions of people who are smart enough to hang up on phone surveys. Data gathered from plush toys may only reflect the behavior of people who to talk to plush toys.)

So here's the plan: reverse-imagineer one of these, and market a sarcastic Pal Smarmy doll that tells you all the naughty trivia.

Picture if you will, a beautifully designed web site dedicated to the down-on-its-heels Hollywood Tower Hotel. They have so few guests nowadays that you may rest assured the staff will be delighted when you... drop in.

With all the hub-hub about The Pirates of the Caribbean being a ride transformed into a movie, people forget that in 1997 Disney did a made-for-TV movie called Tower of Terror, starring Steve Guttenberg and Kirsten Dunst. Disney couldn't call it Twilight Zone Tower of Terror because they only owned the theme park rights to the name.

By the way, Rod Serling's home town, Binghamton, NY, is the self-proclaimed Carousel Capitol of the World. Local businessman George F. Johnson donated six merry-go-rounds to the county on the condition that there should be no charge for the rides because, in his view, carousels contributed to a happy life and would help youngsters grow into strong and useful citizens. Serling wrote a bittersweet Twilight Zone episode about Binghamton's carousel, Walking Distance.


“And also like all men perhaps there'll be an occasion, maybe a summer night sometime, when he'll look up from what he's doing and listen to the distant music of a calliope, and hear the voices and the laughter of the people and the places of his past. And perhaps across his mind there'll flit a little errant wish, that a man might not have to become old, never outgrow the parks and the merry-go-rounds of his youth. And he'll smile then too because he'll know it is just an errant wish, some wisp of memory not too important really, some laughing ghosts that cross a man's mind, that are a part of the Twilight Zone.”

-- Rod Serling, Closing Narration, Walking Distance



Now I'm all farklempt.

A sweet Pirates of the Caribbean rip-off at Drayton Manor Amusement Park.

(UPDATE 05/12/04: Official Drayton Manor web page still going strong, but the unofficial photo and webpage links became defunct -- the URLS above are now archived by The Wayback Machine

Noah's Arks, a very British form of carousel. Check out the gallery for some fantastic crude animals.

Amusement Park Parody Becomes Reality (Sort Of): In a Simpsons episode, the family went to a curiously Legoland-like park called Blockoland.

BART: Ow! Why did I get this Lego™ shirt?
MARGE: Don't you mean Blocko shirt?
BART: Right, right. Blocko shirt.

So what is the logical way to place that joke into the real world? Actually manufacture Simpsons Blocko Figures. There are levels here, man.

One surprising detail about Legoland is, they have a attendence cap -- once there are a certain number of people in the park, they stop selling tickets. They know full well that an over-crowded park is no fun. What a concept, eh? A business that knows its limits?

Differing opinions about Blackpool.

#1: Slightly desperate:
"You can still have a super time in Blackpool - you've got the Pleasure Beach, you've got the tower and also there's some super shows. Come to Blackpool please."

Vs:

#2: Slightly disgusted:
"I don't think it's got anything to offer, it's no different to how it was 25 years ago - it smells."

Here is the official Blackpool Tourism site. The official Blackpool Pleasure Beach web side doesn't seem to be working, so here's a Wikipedia entry on the subject.

(Oh wait, I take that back; the Blackpool Pleasure Beach site didn't work with Netscape, seems to work fine on Explorer.)

The Spam Letters: Complimentary Disney Area Vacation.

I'm not entirely wild about the Defunct Parks web page. They don't seem to have all their facts straight (IE: they list Portland's Council Crest as being in Washington state), and every page with scanned postcards features the rejoinder "DO NOT COPY PHOTOS and POSTCARDS".

Still, it's a fairly good resource. Just don't "steal" any of "their" postcards.

New amusement park in... Bangladesh? (BBC RealAudio report here.)

Inspirational amusement park story of the day: In 1943, Nazi sympathisizers attempted to break Denmark's spirit by burning down a large section of Tivoli Gardens. Tivoli was operational again in two weeks!

Shoot the Freak!

Nothin' but links to amusement park patents.

Frontier Village in San Jose remembered. The page of TV commercials is particularly poignant.

What's next from Walt Disney Pictures? Some good guesses here and here.

(Thanks and a tip of the mouse ears to Tom Griswold)

It is entirely possible that this is the worst kiddie ride ever. Just look at how much they enjoy it!

There is Real Fake and then there is Fake Fake.

Up until now, I had seen rides and shows which ripped off Disneyland, but I'd never seen an entire park! Dreamland opened in Japan in 1961, six years after Disneyland. See here and here for some amazing photos.

More from Nara Dreamland: the Monorail.

On December 13, 1910, a one Alexander Aitken filed a patent for a "Pleasure Railroad". This document is an examination of that patent.

Possibly Snappy Answers to Stupid Disneyland Questions.